


knowing me, knowing you

by askmeaboutmyoctopustheory



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Ruining History (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe- Good Omens, Angel Ryan Bergara, Angel/Demon Relationship, Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Demon Sara Rubin, Demon Shane Madej, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Wings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askmeaboutmyoctopustheory/pseuds/askmeaboutmyoctopustheory
Summary: the serpent of edenthe dove of peacea friendship that outlasts the agesa relationship to stand the ultimate test-----i'm bad at summaries but this is Unsolved Omens
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	1. the name of the game

**Author's Note:**

> heeyyyyyyyy it's meeeeeeee
> 
> so i've been needing this au since like
> 
> a while
> 
> anyway
> 
> this is gonna pretty much be crowley/azi but reimagined to fit more into BFU 'verse
> 
> also ABBA instead of queen
> 
> i am bad at updates but find me on twitter @_AMAMOT

“Did you tell those humans to eat that fruit?”   
  
“No, they did that on their own accord.”

The demon looked positively aghast that the angel would suggest such a thing. The slitted pupils looked over the figure in white.

“Anyway, I’m not the one who gave them my only weapon.”   
  
The angel startled and looked turned to look up at the demon. “Do you think that was alright? I do worry.”   
  
“I think you have to do what is right, no matter what history paints that as.” The demon said plaintively. “What do you go by, angel?”   
  
“Just Ryan will do.” the angel took in the lanky figure of the demon. “And you, serpent?”   
  
“Shane.”   
  
There was a loud thunderclap in the distance, startling them both. Shane crowded himself down and under the outstretched wing of the angel. 

\---6000 or so years later---

Shane descended into the home office and was met with the smell of sulphur and screams of the damned. He removed his sunglasses and allowed his wings to extend behind him to their full length, knocking over some lesser hell lords with their sheer size. Some of the newer recruits were a bit slack-jawed as he passed in all of his lanky and floral-clad glory.

“Shane!” the highest-ranking demon exclaimed from her throne as he entered the chamber he had been called into. “How goes the human world, dear chap?”   
  
“It’s all well Sara, dear.” 

The much smaller demon descended to come meet him, only reaching his chest but he leaned down to let her kiss his cheek, ignoring the flies buzzing around her. 

“You do remember the reason you were sent up to Earth?” She asked with a sharp eye. “What the Earth is preparing for?”   
  
“Yes, yes of course.” Shane chuckled and clapped one of the flies out of the air. “The end times, all that.”

“Wel! Good news dear!” Sara smiled wickedly and her two additional pairs of eyes opened. “The end times are nigh!”   
  
Shane clearly did not have the reaction she was looking for because her skeletal wings drooped a bit and the flies seemed to buzz less intensely.

“I thought you would be more agreeable to this?” She looked at Shane with all six eyes. “This will end your term on that absolutely… divine-” She shuddered. “That awful planet.”

“Has it really been so long already?” Shane asked quietly to nobody in particular.

\---3004 BC---

“It’s a bit brute, is it not?” Shane mused as he watched from the sand. 

Ryan shrugged but had an uneasy expression on his face. “The Almighty thought it best to…” he made an erasing motion with his hand. “And either way, I myself will be delivering a branch to the Ark at the end of the flood.”

“Well thank Hell for that.” Shane muttered. “Watch that dragon!-” He shouted at one of the men loading the animals. “Oh bugger.”

Ryan remained uneasily silent. “Interesting work you did back there a bit.” He pushed on at Shane’s puzzled look. “With Cain and Abel.”   
  
“Oh yes. They did most of that on their own, sadly.” Shane looked around to see that most of the gathered humans had dispersed. A lightning bolt cracked through the darkening sky. “Oh here we go again, is it my turn?”   
  
They watched the men on the Ark board up the doors and rain began to fall as Shane let his large black wings extend and ruffle up a bit. He then extended one of them to cover both of them as they watched the desert slowly begin to become muddy. The mud was up to their ankles and water falling in sheets off the feathers of their winged shelter before either of them spoke again.

“This is all part of the Great Plan?” Shane asked.

“I am not one to question The Almighty.” Ryan said, but glanced up at Shane’s yellow eyes. “That doesn’t mean I particularly enjoy it.”

“If you did, I think we’d have more in common, Angel.”

They simply looked at each other for a moment before Ryan seemed to startle a bit. “I suppose I should get on with it then.”   
  
There was a flash of blinding light and when it cleared there was a snowy white dove where Ryan had been standing. 

“Oh my, that is rather sweet isn’t it.” Shane mused as he crouched down and extended a finger for Ryan-as-a-dove to hop onto. The bird hopped away quickly. “Oh don’t be fussy now, little guy.”

The bird preened and cooed indignantly. 

“Oh alright then. You’re no fun.” 

There was a puff of black smoke and a long black serpent was on the ground next to the dove. The dove hopped over to the snake and perched itself on the scaly head. The snake seemed to roll it’s eyes but coiled itself tightly to keep them both above the rising water levels.

\------

“So what would the plan be, Sara?”

Sara grinned wickedly. “I thought you’d never ask.”   
  
“Yes, yes get on with it.” Shane said impatiently but fondly. 

“We are to release all the evil spirits from our realm onto the Earthly realm!!” She cackled. “We shall overrun the Earth with chaos and madness! The heavenly will be in shambles!”

“And how shall this be carried out?”   
  
“Oh we’ve- you’ve- been sowing the seeds all along.” She flopped back onto her throne and inspected her filthy fingernails. “The humans are lulled into a false belief that spirits and demons are the stuff of tall tales, nothing to be afraid of. We have the element of surprise on our side. It shall be our easiest battle since Alesia.”

Shane grinned at the mention of their past exploits. “You and I remember Alesia rather differently.”

“Same outcome, dearest.” She winked with all three of her left eyes. “I will be deploying backup for you, of course.”   
  
“No no no no no….” Shane groaned.

“You will be joined on earth by Safiya and Tyler, who will assist you as needed.”   
  
“Saraaaa… I work alone.” 

“I know. We all must make compromises for the end times, dearest.” She shooed him with a small hand. “Along you go.”

As Shane climbed back up the stairs out of his headquarters and back into the streets of modern LA, he felt a sense of dread. His eyes flickered to the staircase next to him, wondering if Ryan was done with his respective report to home base. 


	2. the winner takes it all

\---Nazareth, 30 BC---

Shane lounged amongst the tax collectors in the hot sun, never being able to truly shed his reptilian instincts. He was able to manipulate the conversation easily, making the already awful men just a little bit more awful. That should be enough to please the home office for his next check-in. He leaned back and enjoyed the sun on his face for a bit before he felt a distinct shift in the general energy of the area. The humans around him seemed unconcerned.

Shane excused himself and went strolling around the streets of Nazareth until he saw the angel Ryan talking to a young couple, the mother struggling to contain a small squirming child. Ryan paused and turned to greet Shane.

“Shane!” He said surprisingly. “It’s been a bit. Interesting work in Babel.”

“Why thank you angel.” He turned to the young woman who could not keep the baby from squalling. “Would you like me to try? I seem to have a way with the young ones.”   
  
The woman thanked him and turned back to conversing with Ryan while Shane walked a ways down to rock the baby in the shade. The child, a young boy, calmed down quite a bit and squealed in delight when Shane stuck out his forked tongue at him. After the boy’s father came and collected him with his thanks, Ryan eventually came and sat by Shane.

“Should I be more concerned that you didn’t try and steal the son of God or maim him?”   
  
“The baby?” Shane said incredulously.

“Yes, for the love of- The virgin birth? The star?” Ryan sputtered.

“Oh was that  _ that _ baby?” Shane frowned. “The Almighty’s plan for this baby…?”   
  
“Yeah, I have not pushed questions.”

\---Current day---

Ryan waited at Griffith Park at the bench that he and Shane had been meeting at for quite some time now. His meeting with his home office had left him more puzzled than enlightened. The archangels had told him of their plan to goad the demons of Hell into releasing their ghastly spirits onto the human world. The archangels and principalities would then strike down and defeat the spirits, leaving Hell deserted and defeated. This divine conflict would also likely have a negative effect on the human race.

Ryan wasn’t sure what he thought of this plan. He had grown fond of the funky planet and her wards. Where would Ryan go? What would become of Shane?   
  
“A penny for your thoughts, angel?” Said demon’s voice cut into Ryan’s thoughts.

Shane’s towering form stood before him, sipping on an iced coffee in his horrible floral shirt. His customary sunglasses were a bit askew as they often were when he came back from a visit to his home office. The demonic slitted pupils had started working their way into humans’ fear complex around Ancient Roman era, making Shane need to cover his eyes to avoid giving himself away. He had indeed pulled a penny from nowhere and was holding it out to Ryan, who scooted over to allow Shane to sit down.

“The archangels… They plan to discorporate all residents of Hell.”   
  
“Well.” Shane sipped his drink. “That’s rather dramatic. Eugene’s idea?”   
  
“Ned’s, I think. At least at first.”

“Mm I suppose he was always the combative one, with the Crusades and such.”   
  
“I tried to appeal to the others. But the four of them are pretty firm on this.” Ryan sat back and scowled. “How were things downstairs?”

“Well, Sara plans to release all the spirits and demons soon. And I’m getting company on Earth.”

Shane pouted a bit at the last bit but Ryan hadn’t payed attention to that.    
  
“We can’t let her do that!”   
  
“Pardon?” 

“That would play directly into the archangels’ plan! We have to convince Sara not to do such a thing!”

Shane laughed, tilting his head back with a grin. “Have you ever tried to convince Sara not to do  _ anything? _ ”

“No-”   
  
“Exactly”

“So we’re just supposed to wait for all of your kind to be discorporated and Earth to be left in ruins from the cosmic battle between Heaven and Hell?” Ryan raised his voice a bit. “Just going to fuck off to Alpha Centauri or something afterwards? There’s no fun little coffee shops or vintage Mercedes Roadsters on Alpha Centauri!”

“Christ, Ryan. I know.” Shane looked up at where Ryan had stood up and started pacing. “I’m just… trying to be practical. Sara wanted to let the spirits feed on the Human’s innate fear of Hell and demons. The only way she wouldn’t release them is if humans somehow get less afraid of the unknown.”

Ryan got a wicked gleam in his eye and Shane sighed heavily.

“I’ve got an idea”

**Author's Note:**

> hits and comments and kudos feed my family


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